2016

2016 you began extremely cruel, and un-fair. I kept running and hitting the ground, for the first few months. How naive  was I to think that was the end of it... Sadly, it continued throughout the year as I started figuring the number of people who will really be there cut out not even in half or quarter. They cut out to very few.

2016 you have shown me how fragile and helpless we could be against life and circumstances. You have shown me despite the fake smiles we use to face hardships, how important it is to feel everything. And that hardships are a part of life even if some of us don’t admit to them. Quite honestly your losses are irreplaceable.

2016 you also showed me that once you take the challenge to follow through a dream, so many paths and opportunities just open up as you go along. You feel your eyes have opened to a whole new world and you get this immense support along the way which just proves to you that no dream is old enough to be achieved.  It’s hard to ignore your inner critic and keep moving along a project that you can’t explain to the people around you yet. But, I certainly believe that it’s even harder not to try in the first place. It’s harder on the long run to let fear paralyze you and pretend you wouldn’t like to try to take that first step.

2016 You’ve showed me that our past and our mistakes don’t have to always weigh us down. You have powered me with this immense strength to get back up, and that’s the top thing on my list that I will be carrying with me into 2017.

People we never forget

I guess I figured it out how much we are all somehow good actors in our everyday life. We wake up as fresh as we can be, as if we slept the whole night through.

We talk and laugh as if the ambulance ride at midnight was nothing. We laugh it off , because it's all we could do in a situation that is beyond our understanding. We trick ourselves into thinking everything will be okay. That each person we cherish around us is immortal. We fake our smiles during the day, but get irritated at the negativity people impose on us. And you start thinking " I am trying to be strong here and look at those idiots judging . I'm holding onto a thread and saying my goodbyes to someone I love...and all I feel is judgement"

Then it all disappears into blank space with one look at him sitting in bed unable to move, unable to talk or walk in the garden he cherishes. You find your grief is worth it, your tears are there ,because he held your hand as a child and helped you through your first steps. 

He loves you un-conditionally like any grandparent would and was always proud even when you messed up. Your grief is worth it ,because he still looks at you lovingly even as he gets tortured by his pain... 

He is worth it because his old age never made him bitter as you are right now from life, faith and from everyone un-sympathetic around you . 

Maybe we can learn a thing or two from him maybe hold on a little longer to a hug, to a kiss....look in their eyes a little longer understand their morals....their lessons a little better. Love them endlessly, because they are the strongest people you'll ever know....Repeat your faithful words and love to them till their eyes close and cross over to the other side. Send them into a journey of love into god's arms knowing they are cherished and will never be forgotten till we meet again....